OzTraya

(Red curtainglittery very Baz) 

 

schoolroom with teacher 

 

‘Welcome Kids. Today I am going to introduce you to the native species of Australia. Snakes, spiders, possums and perhaps even a selfish little troglodyte wombat. But we still love them. Anything that makes us money. Now stand back. They won’t hurt. Just don’t let them anywhere near you and your digital wallet.’

 

Kids stuff phones back into clothes.

 

Curtain goes up 

 

Big truck.

 

Out of it pour men in tight white t-shirts and stubbies. They lower back and carry something out like servants carrying bamboo throne. It is Gina Rinehart on a bamboo throne. Got a pith helmet on. They lift her deftly onto her feet. She is wearing one of those kaftan things, bejewelled. 

 

G’DAY 

 

I’m GINA 

 

She is on roller skates, with roller girls behind her.

 

I’m substantial

Yeah I am substantial

Just like my wealth

We like it big over here

So I went big

 

Chorus: yeah big

 

Look at me now

I’m the Queen of it all

Latifah ain’t got nothin’

On me

 

Just ditch

The little witch

After your father’s drawers

A mail order bride called Rose

 

Well

I am the thorn

In that little debacle

 

And before you know it

The Asian beat with the

Mans in Mosman Park

Was running out the door

After I hit the legal beat

And ate her alive

 

Chorus: Yum Yum Yum

 

(Gina on the phone)

 

Oh Imelda

Rose wants your shoes

She needs to sell them for the court case

 

Gina Aside: Just on the phone to Manila 

 

If you wanna Lady Macbeth

You better get lost

Dead beat

 

In WA we breed ‘em big

With biiiiiiig

Shimmies

Mines

That are mine

Oh and a few Chinese

But that’s a small matter

 

I’m in command

If we’re gunna rip it and

Truck it

It will be my famileeeeeeee

Those I speak to of course

That will enjoy

WA’s

Royalties

 

Choruslaugh and throw money

 

Yeah I am big

Big damn it

So terribly big

My brain weighs as much

As my

Bullion bars

 

It’s just what this country needs

Is another powerful

Ranger

Like me

 

Pauline please

You can’t fuck with us

No sirreeee

We’re tight like

Reptilian danger

In the desert heat

You’re on your own

 

A big Mack

A convoy

That’s me

Ya either are

Or Not

In the Pilbara

 

And I happen to own quite a large stake

Who knew?

 

Yeah I’m big baby

Yeah quite substantial

A rhyming delightful

Financial

Behemoth

 

There ain’t enough cloth

To cover this glorious

Pot

Of gold

 

So get used to

Big Red

Cause you’re

Dust

In the Kimberley

Have a few hectares

I mean why not?

 

I own it all

and I’m big

And I’m red

 

I’m Gina

 

A pot

Of gold

Dammit.

 

2. Wang Yi saunters on stage

 

Surrounded by boys in grey suits, on phones 

 

Very camp

 

I’m Wang YI 

 

Well as you know

I know it all

I’m petite

But replete

With

Accuracies

 

Look at me smile

Look at me angry

Look at me talking

Look at me at ASEAN

 

So radically

Different

Expressions

Of the same thing

Hello Bjorn Borg!

 

I’m not going to admit to

A little of the tox

And arched eyebrow

Here or there

Is a sign of our

Magnificent empire

Don’t you think?

 

A little curve here

And a little curve there

Just gotta try and hide all the

Intention

 

Yes I am Wang Yi

A veritable little Mandarin treat

I have the ear the ear

President Xi

 

Whatever must be conveyed

I display with my

Rigor

Gait

You’d never know

How old I am

Oh go on, guess!

 

My energetic

Conveyances

And photogenic

Ableness

Makes me the very picture

Of a perfect

Diplomatic gentleman

 

I am petite

But replete

With accuracies

 

We’re building an empire

Never seen before

Well for a few thousand years but ours is better….

 

And if I may say

I am nimble and with grace

Forget Marty Natelgawa

Compared to me

He was a fraud

 

(Poor little ASEAN tributaries

Whenever will they learn?)

 

My name is Wang Yi

Don’t talk currency to me

Shadow banking oh

Pollution please

 

Have you see the nuclear

Pores?

Excellent don’t you think?

That Westinghouse…

Must give them some feedback..

 

When I speak to the Europeans

About the solar panels

They do like to complain while selling

Mouldy cheese 

Not bad wine though

And they aren’t bad

When we want to give it to the

Yanks

 

A bit of Iranian crude never hurt anyone 

 

We’re right up to date

We’ve dammed

The Yangtze

We’ve controlled the poor

Out of that green and red

Upgraded little underlings

Have designer bags on call

 

Isn’t it great

The poor white trash

About the place

Western Civilisation

Really needs an update

I mean really

All that money and no taste?

Good lord

They aren’t Queen Elizabeth

 

A few Mussies on the West

A minor blip

Seriously

Compared to Nepal

Oh yes I’d like a little territory there

What about a neat little red pin

Oh yes

I like that circle

 

Can we enlarge it

Avoid

The Saffron yellow

So pesky

Those little Bodhi tubs

 

What do you mean we need the water?

Oh don’t read into things

You’re a little simple

Let’s do this in Mandarin

Or should we stick to

Canberra

Strine

 

Yeah whatever you say

Marise Paaaaaayne

Or was that

Christopher Pyyyyyne

 

The issues we must

Face

Speaking of excellent faces

Mine

 

From Africa to the Belt and Toad

the Arctic and beyond

I’m a master

In a glorious age

It’s all mine

Artificial intelligence I ain’t

But you can hypothesise

I’m so incredibly perfect

 

And

Our robotics

And electronics

Are going to rule the world

Or perhaps just a bit

 

When I’ve done all the deals

I don’t like to boast

Did you see them all here on the

Red carpet?

Poor pets need money!

And we have a few thousand cheap workers

So a real win win

I mean would you trust half of them

With your railway?

 

Good god no

 

No red envelope for you!

 

Didn’t I see one of your boats in the Sth China Sea?

Well that shirt has Yankee written on the back

Suddenly I can’t seem to find my chequebook

Go find a Patriot somewhere in Alabama or wherever they

Breed Crocodiles

 

My name is Wang Yi

And I never lose face

Because mine is so absolutely

Perfect

 

Just watch me

You have to watch me

I’m on TV all the time

 

Ha

 

I’m replete

And petite

But with accuracy

 

With eye arches to die for

Political connections

Throughout

The globe

My name is Wang Yi

Don’t confuse me with Xi

 

You’ll remember me

Because you’ll remember

All the deals baby

I mean, who held it together

Mao or Zhou Enlai?

 

You’ll remember all my lines

Sweetie

They were mine

Oh glorious

Mine.

 

Poses

 

Is this the right angle?

 

Where is CGTN?