(Red curtain, glittery very Baz)
schoolroom with teacher
‘Welcome Kids. Today I am going to introduce you to the native species of Australia. Snakes, spiders, possums and perhaps even a selfish little troglodyte wombat. But we still love them. Anything that makes us money. Now stand back. They won’t hurt. Just don’t let them anywhere near you and your digital wallet.’
Kids stuff phones back into clothes.
Curtain goes up
Big truck.
Out of it pour men in tight white t-shirts and stubbies. They lower back and carry something out like servants carrying bamboo throne. It is Gina Rinehart on a bamboo throne. Got a pith helmet on. They lift her deftly onto her feet. She is wearing one of those kaftan things, bejewelled.
G’DAY
I’m GINA
She is on roller skates, with roller girls behind her.
I’m substantial
Yeah I am substantial
Just like my wealth
We like it big over here
So I went big
Chorus: yeah big
Look at me now
I’m the Queen of it all
Latifah ain’t got nothin’
On me
Just ditch
The little witch
After your father’s drawers
A mail order bride called Rose
Well
I am the thorn
In that little debacle
And before you know it
The Asian beat with the
Mans in Mosman Park
Was running out the door
After I hit the legal beat
And ate her alive
Chorus: Yum Yum Yum
(Gina on the phone)
Oh Imelda
Rose wants your shoes
She needs to sell them for the court case
Gina Aside: Just on the phone to Manila
If you wanna Lady Macbeth
You better get lost
Dead beat
In WA we breed ‘em big
With biiiiiiig
Shimmies
Mines
That are mine
Oh and a few Chinese
But that’s a small matter
I’m in command
If we’re gunna rip it and
Truck it
It will be my famileeeeeeee
Those I speak to of course
That will enjoy
WA’s
Royalties
Chorus: laugh and throw money
Yeah I am big
Big damn it
So terribly big
My brain weighs as much
As my
Bullion bars
It’s just what this country needs
Is another powerful
Ranger
Like me
Pauline please
You can’t fuck with us
No sirreeee
We’re tight like
Reptilian danger
In the desert heat
You’re on your own
A big Mack
A convoy
That’s me
Ya either are
Or Not
In the Pilbara
And I happen to own quite a large stake
Who knew?
Yeah I’m big baby
Yeah quite substantial
A rhyming delightful
Financial
Behemoth
There ain’t enough cloth
To cover this glorious
Pot
Of gold
So get used to
Big Red
Cause you’re
Dust
In the Kimberley
Have a few hectares
I mean why not?
I own it all
and I’m big
And I’m red
I’m Gina
A pot
Of gold
Dammit.
2. Wang Yi saunters on stage
Surrounded by boys in grey suits, on phones
Very camp
I’m Wang YI
Well as you know
I know it all
I’m petite
But replete
With
Accuracies
Look at me smile
Look at me angry
Look at me talking
Look at me at ASEAN
So radically
Different
Expressions
Of the same thing
Hello Bjorn Borg!
I’m not going to admit to
A little of the tox
And arched eyebrow
Here or there
Is a sign of our
Magnificent empire
Don’t you think?
A little curve here
And a little curve there
Just gotta try and hide all the
Intention
Yes I am Wang Yi
A veritable little Mandarin treat
I have the ear the ear
President Xi
Whatever must be conveyed
I display with my
Rigor
Gait
You’d never know
How old I am
Oh go on, guess!
My energetic
Conveyances
And photogenic
Ableness
Makes me the very picture
Of a perfect
Diplomatic gentleman
I am petite
But replete
With accuracies
We’re building an empire
Never seen before
Well for a few thousand years but ours is better….
And if I may say
I am nimble and with grace
Forget Marty Natelgawa
Compared to me
He was a fraud
(Poor little ASEAN tributaries
Whenever will they learn?)
My name is Wang Yi
Don’t talk currency to me
Shadow banking oh
Pollution please
Have you see the nuclear
Pores?
Excellent don’t you think?
That Westinghouse…
Must give them some feedback..
When I speak to the Europeans
About the solar panels
They do like to complain while selling
Mouldy cheese
Not bad wine though
And they aren’t bad
When we want to give it to the
Yanks
A bit of Iranian crude never hurt anyone
We’re right up to date
We’ve dammed
The Yangtze
We’ve controlled the poor
Out of that green and red
Upgraded little underlings
Have designer bags on call
Isn’t it great
The poor white trash
About the place
Western Civilisation
Really needs an update
I mean really
All that money and no taste?
Good lord
They aren’t Queen Elizabeth
A few Mussies on the West
A minor blip
Seriously
Compared to Nepal
Oh yes I’d like a little territory there
What about a neat little red pin
Oh yes
I like that circle
Can we enlarge it
Avoid
The Saffron yellow
So pesky
Those little Bodhi tubs
What do you mean we need the water?
Oh don’t read into things
You’re a little simple
Let’s do this in Mandarin
Or should we stick to
Canberra
Strine
Yeah whatever you say
Marise Paaaaaayne
Or was that
Christopher Pyyyyyne
The issues we must
Face
Speaking of excellent faces
Mine
From Africa to the Belt and Toad
the Arctic and beyond
I’m a master
In a glorious age
It’s all mine
Artificial intelligence I ain’t
But you can hypothesise
I’m so incredibly perfect
And
Our robotics
And electronics
Are going to rule the world
Or perhaps just a bit
When I’ve done all the deals
I don’t like to boast
Did you see them all here on the
Red carpet?
Poor pets need money!
And we have a few thousand cheap workers
So a real win win
I mean would you trust half of them
With your railway?
Good god no
No red envelope for you!
Didn’t I see one of your boats in the Sth China Sea?
Well that shirt has Yankee written on the back
Suddenly I can’t seem to find my chequebook
Go find a Patriot somewhere in Alabama or wherever they
Breed Crocodiles
My name is Wang Yi
And I never lose face
Because mine is so absolutely
Perfect
Just watch me
You have to watch me
I’m on TV all the time
Ha
I’m replete
And petite
But with accuracy
With eye arches to die for
Political connections
Throughout
The globe
My name is Wang Yi
Don’t confuse me with Xi
You’ll remember me
Because you’ll remember
All the deals baby
I mean, who held it together
Mao or Zhou Enlai?
You’ll remember all my lines
Sweetie
They were mine
Oh glorious
Mine.
Poses
Is this the right angle?
Where is CGTN?